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… Or hamburguesa in Spanish.

I’ve been deathly sick for the past.. Oh, I don’t know, 2 weeks.. So I was going to post this earlier. But it’s hard to be motivated from a friggin’ hospital bed when your kidneys almost exploded.





From my experience, I’m going to give you some tips and suggestions about cooking the meat, what type to get, the condiments, etc… Picture by picture.

First: When buying the meat, shoot for an 80/20 lean-to-fat ratio. You can adjust according to your needs, however; I used 85/15 because I wanted a little less artery-clogging deliciousness (I’m trying to eat healthy).


Second: Put however much meat you think you’ll use in a bowl (each patty should be about a half an inch thick and 5 in. across.. So.. Figure it out). This is the part where you get to mix in spices with your hannndsss. It feels like.. fibrous, greasy play doh. Of course you don’t have to use your hands if you don’t want to. This is where gloves come in! Anyway, just mix it with some salt and pepper. And anything else you want to throw in for flavor, like garlic powder, cayenne pepper, oregano, parmesan, cheddar cubes (like Burger King! Except not disgusting.)

This is what I used.


Third: Cooking the meat. I heated a pan with a LITTLE BIT of oil to prevent it from sticking. Only use a little bit because the burger will shrink and cook itself in its own juices. And there will be a lot of juices. Throw the patty in there, cover it, and sear it on high heat for a couple minutes to lock in the flavor. Then lower the heat to medium level and continue to cook for another couple minutes, flipping it once. Keep it covered with something unless you want grease everywhere. It doesn’t take long at all to cook. To test the readiness, press down on top with a fork. If it bleeds red, cook it a little more. Test it every couple minutes.

See the juices? There’s a lot. And yes, I admit I overcooked mine a little bit.


Fourth: Assembling the Krabby Patty. (Haha.. Spongebob). I like to use slightly toasted Kaiser rolls for my burger, but you can literally use anything you want. You don’t even need buns if you’re on that awful Atkins diet. Or if you’re allergic to bread. As for the condiments, the list is literally endless. You can throw jelly beans on that thing if you’re so inclined. As for me, I went classic (note in the first picture how much the patty shrunk):

Cheddar.. Ketchup..

Mustard.. Romaine.. (Yeah that’s a smiley face.. So what?)

Red Onion.. Tomato. I should’ve added another; they were tiiiiiny.


I made burgers again the next day and I chopped up some colby-jack cubes into the meat, which saved me from  having to deal with shredded cheddar falling out if it wasn’t melted (it’s all I had)! If I were to make this again, I’d put homemade guacamole on it. Or a fried egg. I’ve heard of somebody putting a pineapple slice on theirs. I love burgers because, even though they aren’t the healthiest things ever, they’re totally customizable.





My favorite food, ever,
Is tacos.

In my mind, tacos are the perfect food.
Think about it: they include something from each food group.
And they’re delicious.
And they’re so versatile. You want peppers? Throw some peppers on there.
You want cheese? Go right ahead, put on whatever cheese you want.
You want pickles?.. Fuck it. Pile ’em on.

This is what I used for tonight’s dinner: Flour tortillas, taco-blend cheese, lettuce, tomato, onion, sour cream, mango-peach salsa, ground-beef-style tofu…


… And THIS:

Crystal brand hot sauce. My favorite.

I’m not going to put a recipe because if I did, it would look something like this:

1. Heat up ground beef on the stove until no pink shows.
2. Melt cheese on tortillas.
3. Layer ingredients. Enjoy.”

… Did I mention tacos are also easy?

Nova Lox on a Bagel

Today, I want to share with you one of my favorite breakfasts, which is also one of the richest (alongside Eggs Benedict and oatmeal, which are two of my favorite breakfasts, also): Nova Lox on a Bagel!

For those of you who aren’t akin to eating raw fish, you need to try it already! 😉
Seriously. I’m going to break some rumors here. Raw fish is not:
a. Slimy
b. Chewy*
d. Jelly-like
*(Unless you eat octopus or squid. But that isn’t fish anyway; they’re cephalopods.)

I, for one, love eating raw fish. I crave sashimi almost every day. (It’s kind of killing my wallet, actually).
My favorite is the one featured in this recipe: salmon.
Salmon, when raw, has this smooth, buttery texture and flavor to it. It’s not dry or too oily, and it has the least amount of mercury compared to, say, tuna or yellowtail.

If you like sashimi, you’ll like Nova Lox.
If you don’t like sushi, you may like Nova Lox anyway.
I’d probably try eating something along the lines of a Philly roll at a sushi joint first. It’s very similar; both include raw salmon and cream cheese.

Nova Lox is sooo good.. And sooo expensive. :/

-Nova Lox flakes (I got mine at Wegman’s)
-Cream cheese
-One bagel
-A couple rings of raw onion (red onions are better but it really doesn’t matter)
-A couple slices of tomato

*Traditional Nova Lox usually has capers on top. Since I don’t really like capers, I didn’t use them.
If you like capers, you’re certainly allowed to include them. Just add a couple on top of the whole thing at the end.

First: Toast a bagel. I used whole wheat bagel thins.

While the bagel is toasting, cut up a few slices of onion and a few slices of tomato. Whatever amount you feel comfortable with.

When the bagel is finished, spread on however much cream cheese your little heart desires. I used Trader Joe’s light cream cheese.

Layer the Nova Lox.

Add the onion and tomato (and capers if you want).